Virtual World

May be you felt that I am, changing again become a person that you don’t ever know. If you felt that, yes I am.

Ah, let’s begin our topic 

‘Tranpsarant’ world. Dunia maya, Virtual World. Saya mengangkat tema ini alasannya bukan semata-mata bermaksud atau ingin menyindir. Hanya saja ini sudah menjadi beban pikiran saya sejak lama.

F-b Twitt, dsb jejaring social. Sangat tidak asing lagi. Setiap kali anda menyalakan CPU anda, menyalakan monitor membuka jendela baru dan mengetik link yang anda tuju. Mungkin anda adalah salah satu user tersebut, asya mau memfokuskan ini pada para ‘otaku’. Oke, saya akui saya adalah salah satunya. Tetapi jika anda adalah Rp’er atau minimal memiliki ‘teman-teman’ di dunia tersebut…?

1.Eksis
Kalau boleh saya tahu, apakah arti eksis dimata anda? Apakah tujuanmu membuat akun RP atau, memutuskan mencari teman di dunia luar? Tentu saja untuk berteman. Tetapi ada mungkin yang hanya iseng? Ah, saya cukup tahu kenapa beberapa otaku mungkin di KEHIDUPAN RIILnya dianggap RENDAH.
Ngomong-ngomong soal eksis, sya mungkin kurang dapat pointnya. Mungkin di add oleh ratusan orang per hari? Memiliki ribuan Friends? Atau siblings yang berderet dari atas hingga bawah? Tetapi yang membuat saya bingung adalah, ‘lalu, setelah ke-‘eksis’an mereka tercapai, selanjutnya apa? Apakah… Masih ada tujuan lain? Masih ada… Hal lain?’. Tolong bagi orang yang merasa diri eksis jawab pertanyaan ini, karena saya benar-benar merasa ‘aneh’ selama ini.

2.Friendship.
Part ini saya mau membahassoal persahabatan di dunia maya. Yang entah kenapa, saya merasa ini semua sudah ‘flat’. Ya, sercara sisi in dapat terlihat betapa erat hubungan orang dari jarak ribuan atau jutaan km ke tempat asal, teteapi… Bagi saya, tetap saja itu semua tidak RIIL. Sekalipun kamu hidup REAL dan saya juga REAL tetap saja dunia ‘kita’ ini terbatasi… Dan seperti ‘terbatasi’.

Oke, saya akan membahas dari sini :

1.Kurosaki Natochi/Naoto
Awal mula RP saya. Saya memilih RP mjd dia krn entah mengapa saya sedang ingin mencoba ‘menjadi’ laki-laki. Dan sukses besar. Saya sadar saya telah menipu puluh-ratus-ribuan orang. Memberikan harapan kosong yang jelas, padahal SAYA CEWEK TULEN YANG TOMBOY. Itu saja. Dan semua itu NON-OOC. Tapi saat itu gue juga mikir, ‘kalo gue tetep begini, sama aja gue bohong dan, kasian orang-orang yg tertipu,’ padahal saat itu gw lagi ‘eksis-eksisnya’. Dan sahabat gue banyak. Dan saat itu gue lagi POLOSTOTHEMAX, gue ga mikirin sebab-akibat yang lain. ‘Seandainya gue ttp begini, dan tiba” gue jadi suka cewek beneran, kan ga lucu. Gue harus balik ke kodrat gue yang sebenarnya dong!’. Dan tanpa sadar gue sudah membuat keputusan yang sangat besar. Yang gue gatau akibatnya bakal jadi seperti ini,

2.Malice Baskerville
Jujur ini akun kesayangan gue, di tempat ini terlalu banyak yang terjadi.Karakter gue berubah 360 derajat,. Disini gue gangerti mood dan gue gangerti diri gue sendiri #remajalabil #remajagalau #remajasuram. Disini semua feel itu hilang. Dulu gue bales Wall to wall dengan semangat entah kenapa disni dan selanjutnya dan sebelum gue kesini saat-saat teerakhir gue di akun 1 semua feel itu ilang. Ngebales wall buka semenyenangkan dulu lagi. Malah seperti ‘kewajiban’ dan.. Perasaan susah diungkapkan dengan kata-kata. Dan karena ada masalah yang cukup besar akun ini gue tutup.

3.Real Account: Natasha Johanna
Akhirnya gue mentransfer sebagian sangat besar temen2 gue kesini. Emosi gue disini ga ada perubahan malah makin parah dari sebelumnya. Disini gue mencoba mengkompare karakter 1 dan 2 gue.dan alhasil GATOT dan MAKIN PARAH. Di titik kegagalan ini gue ngerasa bosan sama aktifitas inn lagi, tapi gue gapunya pengalih… Gue bukan orang yang dulu, gue udah ‘mati’. Dulu semangat gue seakan-akan bias gue salurkan ke orang lain sekarang… Jangan kan buat orang lain buat diri sendiri aja ga becus? Sampe gue cukup jarang ol akhir2 ini dan kemarin gue liat ada 3 guru nge add gue setelah masalah yang timbul disekolah cukup besar dan gue terlibat. Guru2 itu bakal memonitor aktifitas gue dan gue gamau. Ga ngerti kan rasanya distalk sama orang? Untuk menjatuhkan kita? Oke ego gue gede gue akuin,


Gue ga berharap orang bakal suka atau mau jadi temen gue lagi. Jadi temen ya sukur ga yaudah. Gue bukan tipe yang bakal panic kalo dibenci, bukan yang what dia begini begini begini, ngga. Apa gue salah kalo ninggalin semua ini? Toh, lo masih bias hidup tanpa gue. Gue ini apa Cuma sebatas dunia maya, gue ga riil. Gue juga salah menentukan RP utk menentukan pemikiran gue, dan tanpa sadar saat gue menjiwai peran itu jati diri gue ynag jadi korban, dan ketika gue balik? Dan orang2 lebih suka gue yg dulu? Apa yg bis ague lakukan?? Dunia maya ini hanya sebatas ini. Dan semua ini terlalu transparan. Saya tidak menyinggung tetapi ada beberapa orang yng terlalu membawa ‘kami’ teman dunia maya terlalu riil. Padahal faktanya ‘kami’ dan ‘anda’ hanyalah sebatas monitor-online ini. Saya pribadi sekarang membentengi diridengan pernyataan ‘saya dimata kamu, di dunia maya inihanyalah android berperasaan dan sebaliknya’. Ditambah menyelesaikan masalah di dunia riil tidak segampang di dunia maya. Di dunia maya tinggal matikan computer, cabut modem selesai. Beda sama real yang harus ketemu muka tiap hari. Kita ga semudah mematikan seperti itu. The point si jangan terlalu berharap pada saya-orang dari dunia maya-ini dan hiduplah di kenyataan. Bukan di fatamorgana seperti ini. Saya berharap readers dapat berfikir lebih jauh lagi dan bukan seperti saya dan ‘kaum’ saya yang egois dan berfikiran sempit.

Apologize?

*sigh* I know it was my fault to changing. It's hard to belief but it's life. Truly i know that you felt you lost the part of 'me' one year ago. That time, iknow may be until now that you still 'lost' that part. When i started to change my life when i decided to change everything that thing... Makes me Changing. All i need to do is taking the risk. I hope i can combine the 'me' now, the 'me' that time, the 'me' before and a lot of 'the me'. But i know i can't. I can't feel the emotion like that time. It's too... Confusing. And my reason leaving my fb is: a lot of teacher search for me. And they wanted to monitorise my activity there. I will active again later but not now. May be about a month or another week again. Idk when. It's not because i wanted to abandon you all guys.
I confuse... really.

YAY!

Good night everyone :3 may be you're a bit shocked becoz my previous post don't you? :3
well i haven't stop online to be honest XD
the thing is where am i online? :O?? that was the thing you should fine out!
But my range time online won't change at my fb. Time for 'me' already stop there. So i decided to return in a one place where me and my friend-ex-bf ozu-kun-sama XD only know :#
may be this is just a piece of a shit from me, don't worry i'll back to my fb sometimesONLY IF SOMEBODY ONE OF MY SIBLINGS HAVE A BIRTHDAY :3 ok, wanna follow ma' game?? find me out :3 'where am i' XD may be i become same as a shit with my adoption mom but i'ma kinda tired with that-suscribe :#
]
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-regards-

No wonder

I really am tired again with 'that world' it was full of such a lie!! I'm tired there were no place to... To reall express and confessed what i'm feeling!! But still, when i started to confess anything i spam somebody and she doesn't like it. I already ask her to unsuscribe me but she won't. Now i feel like i don't want to comeback, just a few wall i'll reply. I'm tired when my adoption-mom act like that. She doesn't like to being copied but why did she copy me? It was fine but still i feel unusual with it. I don't want to... Make it such a big problem but the thing she stole from me it really is immportant (but God is more important may be it's second) I just want to come back to the April last year and until July. I miss him ._. but he more gave attention to another... Person. I am... Not jealous but, i still fell 'weird' with it. Thats why i ... Wanna back just on something immportant. Goodbye Fb i'll miss you ;_; but i hate you.

Some people there just 'use' me as a tool. So, Michaelis my brother or Ozu my friend if one of you saw this please contact me just on twitter((i know Mike your familly such a jerk sometimes, but take care bro :')))

SO, well this is a bit goodbye eh?? Mungkin saya bakal balik kalau... Ada yang ulangtahun?? Atau godaan ol sangat besar ga sesering ini. Ja minna Sa Yo Na Ra~

-Malice-


Vakum:: Facebook
Hiatus:: Twitter
Hakced:: FF.net

"I" am "Me"

Who are you?

I am me.

Who are you?

I don't know myself.
It's all unmeaning. I can't feel anything. It's being useless if i stayed. It's unemaning. Meaningless. I hate my own exsitence. I hate my born day that i curse it (almost)everytime i remember. I being sensitive lately. I cursed everything people do to me. Altough i know it was a sin for me. I'm tired with my own life.

Why don't you just death?

I'm scared, i'm scared. I'm scared to death, i'm scared to life. I'm tired with my life, but i'm scared if i die. I haven't ready within it. Altough million times i tried to suicide.
I'm using sleeping drugs. Many time. But it was useless that i can't sleep at all!
And.. I love to feel a pain..

the way i love you and i will always love you

He, the one who fallen.

She, the one who got his care.

Me, the person who always make a hope.

But, at last… It just a reminiscence between us boys.

You with her leave me alone.

The melody is revolving inside my head, the moment we passed by…

Turned up like a film inside myself..

Do you remember when you said “the melody is for you, my special one,”

And I smiled innocently

But, I don’t know what is your reason that you leave me so.

And you choose another girl.

And you broke up with her.

And we just become a friend after all.

But I know, you still love her very much.

And that’s not me.

I can accept it.

As long I can stand beside you it’s ok.

Even I’ve never said ‘I love you’.

I do, I love you.

I promise you that I’ll stand beside you if you need me.

Altough it just make me feel more pain I don’t care.

As long you’re happy it’ll be ok

by:Malice Baskerville

Reminiscence

Here i am, in this night. Wait like always no matter how long i'll wait...
i already forgotten how to love somebody
how to fallen
how to felt the differents heartbeats.
Otherwise, i rewind that time again...
You were there when i need you, you were there always...
I've broke our promise to share...
I'm to scared to say...
But nothing tell me what must i do... Who's fault is that?
Me of course...
I miss the night when we spent it together...
Altough you've never text me anymore i still wait...
Altough you'ce changed i still saw you like the first time i know you...
When will we chat together until we felt sleepy?
When you pick me up?
When will we spend the night together like the usual things we do?
The melody is revolving in me...
The reminiscencelike bring me inside the Maze...
Will our heart still linked each other?

The things i regret most is...
Why i cant say that i love you when we still together?
You always say that, that time...
Everynight before sleep...
I miss the time when we tease each other...
May be my heart refuse this whil typing this. It just cant be honest at the time
But when you came, the teardrops wont stop even i dont know why..
All i know just...
Just...
I miss you... i wanna chat again until we felt sleepy
under the velvet moon...
keep chat until we sleepy...
until everythings ended...



-Will of Abyss-